Andre 's posts with tag: joke
dapat imel dari kawanua [imel] kalo nya mangarti dodooddoe...
om kondre Ledis en jentelmen,
Kalu rasa pidis tu mata, atau rasa bapongoh itu
talinga, isap jo itu gula2!
Baku iko deng peraturan penerbangan, sekarang ikke musti kasi lia pa jij samua cara pake itu tali mamudung yang ada pa jij pe pinggang,
deng itu baju voor batobo , en masker oksigen kalu ngoni pe napas mulai hosa.
Supaya jij boleh selamet, coba lia koa kamari bagemana cara pasang itu
sabuk yang balingkar di jij pe pinggang,, cara kunci supaya nyanda talapas,
bekeng kencang deng, bagaimana mo buka nanti.
Itu baju batobo di bawah kursi jij dudu akang, jangan dulu pake
kecuali nanti waktu Om Kapten so undang batobo pa torang rame-rame. eit
jangan lupa, itu barang jangan jij kase pindah neh, apalagi dibawa pulang vor pajangan salon atau dekorasi souvenir ruang tamu tanda jij so pernah terbang,
kalu ikke riki, ikke nanti tampar kiri kanang, muka belakang, deng atas
bawah, mangarti?
De pe cara pake , itu baju kase lingkar di leher jij, awas jang talalu
kencang komang, nanti jij susa banapas, boleh flau, kong bekeng tasibu
pa torang musti bekeng pernapasan tiup ngoni pe mulu, idiiih, jadi
ati-ati jo, neh!
supaya boleh timbul diair, hela itu knop warna merah jambu bol, atau
bole juga tiup de pe pipa, supaya boleh timbul di air., Kong inga
musti tunggu sampe so kaluar dari jandela darurat, baru boleh bekeng dia
tabuka, dari kalu nyanda ngoni nanti ta prop di itu jandela atau pintu,
bekeng pusing pa torang, kong boleh sampe kriting tong pe tangan nanti
mo bahela pa ngoni macet di pintu, komang.
oh yaa, amper lupa itu floit boleh ngoni pake baramaeng prit-pritan
supaya jangan fastiu kalu so batobo diair.
eh, asal jij samua tau ya, ini pesawat ada dua de pe pintu darurat di
muka ada dua, ada dua di belakang, deng ada dua lagi jendela darurat di tengah-tengah.jadi waktu kaluar nanti nyanda perlu baku rebe rupa burung camar baku
rampas roti di pante waktu ada bapiknik, musti holopis rupa bebe atau
bifi babaris bagitu, alias antri satu lein.
kalu nanti tiba-tiba napas hosa bukang lantaran itu rim dipinggang
talalu kancang, atau lantaran salah pasang itu baju batobo, masker
oksigen akan ciri dari atas kepala jij, no hela jo padia kong pasang
diidong en banapas rupa biasa. Kalu ada anak kacili, jij yang so lebe
tuwer tolong kase pake pa anak dulu baru pake sandiri, oops so salah,
tabubale komaling, musti jij dulu pasang baru kase pasang pa itu kodomo zeg!
kartu gambar petunjuk vor ke selamatan ada di popoji kursi di muka
dimana jij ada duduk, jangan ambe birman punya, jang ngoni baku cakar
komang, deng baca bae-bae kong hafal mati pa dia.
Noh, bagitu jo dulu, broer deng zus!
Dugh....seandainya beneran ada kayak gini ...bisa dengkul kopong sebelum finish...wakakakaka...
Om KOndre speed.wmv (2.1 MB)
Selamat makan siang... zzz...zzz om Kondre
2 selamat kabur kemana tuh... 16 yang tewas masi bisa dipanggang gak ya? nah kalo yang hilang delapan ini...sapaaaaa yang nyembunyiiinnn!!! selamat berakhir pekan... om Kondre
kenapa??? 
kenapa celana sembalap selalu hitam.... karna kalo gini....gimana??? hihihihi  
selamat menjelang malam jumat....hiiyyyy... om Kondre dah jam 3...
|  | setelah mati suri beberapa hari...
akhirnya datang juga....
semoga di endonesia tidak terjadi demikian...
dan yang paling penting....
kapan di endonesia ada olimpiade...
masa ganefo aja....
;-)
om kondre |
hihihihihi...selamat bekerjaaa! om kondre
Seorang laki-laki gembira sekali waktu mau duduk di pesawat. Yang duduk di sampingnya seorang gadis yang manis, ada teman ngobrol nich, pikirnya. Tapi setelah beberapa lama ternyata si gadis kerjanya baca mulu.
Untuk memecah es… si laki-laki nanya: “Mau ujian nich… kok baca terus…” [jieeee] “Bukan.. saya lagi penelitian,” jawab si gadis.
“Penelitian mengenai apa?” tanya si laki-laki lagi.
“Mengenai hubungan etnis dengan bentuk alat vital laki-laki…” jawab si gadis dengan tenangnya.
Dengan penasaran si laki-laki bertanya kembali, “Apakah sudah ada hasilnya?”
“Sudah sih… Menurut hasil penelitian saya ternyata kepunyaan laki-laki Bali bentuknya paling bagus… mungkin ada hubungannya dengan kepandaian mereka dalam memahat.” kemudian si gadis sebentar terdiam.
“Kepunyaan laki-laki Batak… paling besar… mungkin terpengaruh oleh kebiasaan mereka bicara selalu keras sehingga darah lebih cepat mengalir ke daerah itu.” lanjutnya ini membuat si laki-laki makin penasaran.
“Punya laki-laki Sunda paling panjang… mungkin ada hubungannya dengan kebiasaan mereka memakai sarung.” si gadis seperti sampai pada kesimpulan pembicarannya.
“Eh, ngomong-ngomong kita belum kenalan nih…”
“Oh iya…” si gadis sedikit tersenyum. “Nama saya Lisa.. kalau mas siapa?”
“Ehmmm… nama saya… I GEDE CECEP SIMANJUNTAK.” selamat bekerja....appreciate your reply by return with another joke ...thanks! om Kondre
 | Mau? | Jan 31, '08 10:42 PM
for everyone |
Jangan liat lelakiw ituw dariw penampilannnnn sajaw....
personalitiww ituw pentingss sekallliw.....
-Cinta Laura- KissingTest.wmv (3.0 MB)
nunggu jam empat... emang kreatif apa ngerusak tata bahasa? dimarahin JS Badudu logh.... om sih asik2 aja...bingung aja kalo bahasa resminya ntar beneran jadi gini wakakkaka.... coba ini apa artinya?om ambil dari Warta Kota... 'HYE WK. w pembaca stia WK, w ngfan bgt ma Dian Sastro, dy cntk n snyumnya mnz bgt, muatin ft'y y n zlm bwt dy ' om Kondre
| | Arrrggghh.....efek semalam...
IF I AM RICH . . .!!!
I will buy Moonlight
My bedroom will have a window which can look for the world
MY PET WITH THE DIAMOND TEETH .
My pretty servant always ready
MY GLASS MADE ONLY BY ORIGINAL DIAMOND
IF I HAVE TIME, I WILL PLAY GOLF ON THE BOAT
MY SECURITY FOR 24 HOURS
ONLY SPRING WATER FROM THE HIMALAYAS TO FLUSH MY TOILET
TOILET PAPER
MY SWIMMING POOL CAN ONLY FILL IN WITH EXPENSIVE PERFUME
ONLY A PROFESSIONAL CAN WASH MY CAR WHICH WAS GOLD PLATED
MY LAPTOP WITH DIAMOND EDGING AND HAS Intel Pentium IX WITH RAM 30 Gigabite .
MY TRAVELING CAR
MY HOLIDAY HOUSE
OK, ENOUGH OF DREAMING!!!
GET BACK TO WORK NOW!
Om Kondre |
 gara-gara posting ini ukuran kondom ....tiba-tiba diemail om masuk banyak cerita kondom...ini pernah om baca...tapi masih enak buat dibaca lagi... selamat berakhir pekan... om kondre Suatu waktu ada seorang anak muda datang ke apotik
untuk beli kondom bapak si empunya apotik berkata,
"mau beli yang ukuran berapa, mas" kata anak muda,
"yang biasa saja pak, karena ukuran saya juga biasa"
bapaknya hanya senyum-senyum saja, setelah transaksi
selesai si anak muda bilang begini sama bapak tadi,
"pak kondom ini saya akan pergunakan buat pacar saya"
"ohhhhhhh" sahut si bapak, belum 1 menit keluar
apotik, anak muda ini kembali masuk ke apotik dan
berkata, "maaf pak saya minta satu lagi" untuk apa
kata bapak ini, "ohhhhh, kebetulan adik pacar saya
nampaknya naksir saya juga" ehhhhh tapi kalau begitu
tambah satu lagi karena ibu pacar saya cantik juga"
bapak ini hanya geleng-geleng melihat tingkah anak
muda ini.
sampailah si pemuda ini di rumah pacarnya, kebetulan
lagi makan malam pemuda ini diajak makan bersama,
karena masih nunggu ayah si gadis ini, mereka ngobrol
sekedar basa-basi, setelah ayah si gadis ini duduk,
anak muda ini langsung tunduk kepala dalam sikap doa,
pacarnya ikut tunduk kepala dan berdoa pacarnya
bertanya "koq kamu alim buanget sih...." masak doanya
ga amin amin sih....." kata si anak muda ini,
"ternyata bapakmu punya apotik yaaaaa"
 met akhir pekan! om kondre email seorang temans.... NEGRO SEJATI
Alkisah di negara Afrika sana , manusia yang paling hitam adalah yang paling hebat! Hitam dalam arti hitam segala-galanya, itulah Negro Sejati!
Ada 3 orang anak kecil yang sedang membandingkan hitam-hitaman bapaknya.
Anak yang ke 1 : " Babe gue kemarin sedang ngupas Apel,
eh.....tangannya terluka, DARAHnya HITAM!!!!!...........
Anak yang ke 2 : " Papi gue kemarin sedang benerin Parabola, eh..
terjatuh sampai patah tulang, TULANGnya HITAM....!!! !
Anak yang ke 3 , nggak mau kalah hebat : "Hm ....itu belum
seberapa ,tadi malam waktu kami nonton TV di ruang keluarga ,tiba-
tiba bokap gua kentut,....... ruangan jadi HITAM GELAP!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
dari forward email... apakah ini bener??? Om Kondre ============================= For all those men
who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update
for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women
realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ..Laxatives ...... They
irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas ........ The older they get, the
less firm they are.
3. Men are like ... Weather . Nothing can be done to change
them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not
quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth,
& they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ... Commercials ....... You can't
believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores .... Their clothes
are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like .... Government Bonds
.... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9 Men are like ..... Mascara . They usually
run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .. They satisfy
you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when
they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ......Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but
not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the
good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. -end-
| | Yahoo!
The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book Gulliver's
Travels. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action
and is barely human. Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filo selected the
name because they considered themselves yahoos.
Xerox
The Greek root "xer" means dry. The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his
product Xerox as it was dry copying, markedly different from the then
prevailing wet copying.
Sun Microsystems
Founded by four Stanford University buddies, Sun is the acronym for Stanford
University Network.
Sony
From the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by
Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
SAP
"Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by four ex-IBM
employees who used to work in the 'Systems/Applications/Projects' group of
IBM.
Red Hat
Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather. He lost it and had
to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat
Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!
Oracle
Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the
Central Intelligence Agency (CIA). The code name for the project was called
Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or
something such).
Motorola
Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started
manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was
called Victrola.
Microsoft
It was coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to
MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was
removed later on.
Lotus
Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from the lotus position or
'padmasana.' Kapor used to be a teacher of Transcendental Meditation of
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Intel
Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce'
but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain, so they had to settle for
an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.
Hewlett-Packard
Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company
they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Hotmail
Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing email via the web from a
computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for Hotmail as it included the letters "html" - the
programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to
as HoTMaiL with selective upper casings.
Google
The name started as a jockey boast about the amount of information the
search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a
word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders -
Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their
project to an angel investor, they received a cheque made out to 'Google'.
Cisco
The name is not an acronym but an abbreviation of San Francisco. The
company's logo reflects its San Francisco name heritage. It represents a
stylized Golden Gate Bridge.
Apple Computers
Favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobs. He was three months late in filing a
name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers
if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 o'clock.
Apache
It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code
written for NCSA's httpd daemon. The result was 'A PAtCHy' server - thus,
the name Apache.
Adobe
The name came from the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of
founder John Warnock.
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buat berjaga-jaga....
yg liwat perlintasan...
udah banyak nyawa terbang ...
hanya gara2 pengen nyerobot...
om kondre Soundclip.amr (0 KB)
Plisssss don't try this at home....it's very dangerous!
Be Careful!
Enjoy it!
H.a.n.w.e.....!
Om Kondre
*files from milis notty* cara_baru_pake_bra.wmv (1.6 MB)
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